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| Photo Credits: The Minds Journal |
It's funny that you notice what your struggles are in the mid-adult stage (30's). Some of the issues relate to oversensitivity, mental disorders, emotional behaviors, and self-image. I've struggled with finding purpose for years and, I'm jealous of persons who've discovered it. Now, love is a different story.
"Have I experienced true love?"
"Maybe I missed it during my wild years."
At this age, I'm learning to process what I've experienced during my love journey. Unfortunately, the journey has been extremely difficult. Most days, I would cry because there was so much pain; other days brought calmness. Then, there is the trauma experience which unveiled a wave of emotions. I was unaware that I harbored these feelings for fourteen years.
Yikes!
It was scary that it may have been the root of my struggles with finding love. I love being in love but, I'm terrible at loving myself. I welcomed the toxic traits with the hope that we could change - for us. I have realized the strong connection between my traumatic experience and my search for love. It has affected how I viewed myself and how badly I needed someone to love me.
How do I fix it?
'Your friend is not a therapist unless they are a therapist.' These words were taken from a good friend and mental health professional. According to him, self-love is the key to true happiness and healthy relationships. It can be complicated since there are things within yourself that you are not happy with. Learning from past experiences, we can regain control of our life and everything we have to offer.
The religious faith teaches us that we must not be afraid. God will guide us to the right hand of His righteousness (Isaiah 41:10). It also teaches us that we are fearfully and wonderfully made in His eyes (Psalm 139:14).
In all, we need to figure out this self-love thing. How can we manifest it without being negative about our feelings? We have been hard on ourselves for so long that we encounter problems separating the negative and positive outcomes. I've discovered a few ways to improve my self-love and self-image.
We must treat ourselves the way we want others to treat us. With self-love, you discover a feeling of fulfillment and set boundaries of what can be accepted in any relationship. Figure out what you love about yourself. We can become empowered when we realize that we aren't perfect.
The older we get, the more pressure we feel not to fail. Cut yourself some slack. We can learn from our mistakes and move forward to a better you. The kind of pressure that we put on ourselves is unfair and damaging to any relationship. What about your desires and needs? Can your work on it while being in a toxic relationship? How is it going to affect your mental health?
You cannot depend on other people to make you feel loved. I've experienced this many times and felt unfulfilled. I blamed myself for falling short of what I expected from love. A relationship should be a partnership- you should be able to stand on your own feet. Avoid depending on persons to give you the love and care that you desire. You attract what you feel (negative or positive). If you want better, be better.
In all, self-love plays an important role in building relationships. Practicing self-love does not mean staying alone forever. It means to work on loving yourself until you are ready to be in a healthy, meaningful relationship. Start with making a list of the things you love about yourself, what you have accomplished and what you need to improve. Ensure that it's realistic, and you can use basic steps to improve your personal growth. You'd be surprised at the results.
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